Hi tommysgirl, it sounds like your mind is overloaded with thoughts. What draws you to the ex boyfriend? Is there a hole in your relationship with your hubby? Maybe if you could figure out what attracts you to the ex, then you might be able to develop it in your relationship with your husband....?

I don't know a whole lot about relationships, but I have gone through something a little like what you are experiencing. I was attracted to a guy but was in a serious 7.5 year long relationship with my boyfriend. I had a lot of fantasies and thoughts about the other guy.

My therapist had me describe my fantasies and thoughts about him. Like you, most of my thoughts were not about sex. What we figured out was that there were things missing in my current relationship and I was looking to the other guy to fill in the holes.

Well, you may not want to handle your situation like I handled mine. I never pursued the relationship with the other guy, but I did eventually end my longterm relationship with my boyfriend. When I took a good hard and honest look at our relationship, I realized that I had some significant wants/needs that were not being met in our relationship.

I don't know a lot about your situation so maybe it is nothing like mine. I just thought I'd share my experience. I hope you can figure this out for yourself.

Oh, one thing I want to add--it was a big red flag for me when I became jealous of the women in the other guy's life. That was a sign that I needed to work on some of my issues.

I hope you can work this out...take care.