Not well, but changing them is not under my control, except excruciatingly slowly.



What I mean by "contra-diction" is that, within my mind, a thought that I start to have, at times gets immediately opposed by a counter-thought or argument or criticism ("spoken-against"). I think these counterthoughts are relics of my childhood, and of other instances in the present time or more recent times, in which no one seems to be able to listen to me without comment or attempts to "correct". As a result, my train of thought is interrupted, and I cannot carry it to completion, cannot explain what it is, cannot think clearly about it, cannot defend myself when asked to do so. It is similar, I feel sure, in some ways to schizophrenic thought processes, in which one almost hears voices of other people, arguing, criticizing, opposing anything one tries to do. I know of few mental health professionals who make the effort to try to understand what schizophrenic thought is, why it is; all they seem to want to do is discount it, suppress it, devalue it.