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Feb 26, 2009, 09:02 AM
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Everone = 
Bella,
It's so hard to try and explain what it's like to be abused to people it didn't happen to.
It's like trying to describe what a lemon tastes like to someone who's never tasted one.
If you're going to talk to them, be prepared that they might not get it at all.
I had a lot of similar issues with my mother and when her lung cancer came back, those issues kept surfacing and I was spinning because I didn't want whatever time she had left to be clouded with all that yucky stuff. I wanted to get past it SO BAD so that I could forgive her and not carry that resentment with me for the rest of my life, and I wanted to be as kind to her as I could without it getting in the way.
This may seem simple to you but it worked. My p-doc suggested I stop looking at her as "my mother" who made a lot of mistakes and bad judgement calls.
Instead, she suggested I look at her as a woman who just told me her entire life story along with all the crap she went through and all the baggage she carried around. Would I find compassion for this woman? Would I put my arms around this woman and comfort her?
It truly turned my whole perspective around. Did I still harbor bad feelings? Sure. They never completely go away because my "little kid" was so wounded. But the adult me began to see her as another human being with her share of flaws and mistakes etc., who just happened to me my mom. 
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