I hurt
I hate myself
I wanna release it all
stopped for years and slipped up recently and forgot how much it released
I am seeing a T for the first time Tuesday and my last slips finally disappearing and dont wanna have to find another excuse

keep telling myself i have been hurt enough not to
the hatred for allowing myself to get this low

I am busting at the seems with emotions i dont want maybe a release will help for the moment i will try to occupy my mind but i have been battling this feeling all day

I hate myself more for falling back into the patterns of my past
I am realizing....they are like shadows on a bright day they will always be with me

No matter how fast i run they follow just as fast

I just need to release the pain
I jujst need to keep telling myself no more excuses but today it is hard