hi T, its so hard to be feeling this way, with fear, worry, pain... struggling for answers we search everywhere for, talk to anyone about, just needing someone to hear.. we can hear you now.... you're doing good in not harming the self.. the path to healing begins with self love... it may seem strange to you now, but T will explain and you can continue coming here for help and info.. i wish you all the best on your new journey with your new family