This sounds more of a mental problem than a housing/financial problem to me. Even if you could provide her, I am sure there will be something else she would not be happy with. Not that she is intentionally nasty, but because she is in a lot of emotional pain.
The mental state she is in, she sure need compassion but standing by her does not mean letting yourself be abused. I admired your patience and strength. You need to use that asset for a win win situation.
To what I could see, you have 3 choices here
- To put up with that kind of unhealthy living for the rest of your life
- To seek help (if she does not, you could for a start)
- To leave
If it is me, I could not see myself putting up with such.
She is not a bad person, she is very wounded and she definitely need counseling/therapy. At the mean time you might want to get her to try other form of alternative healing like yoga, deep relaxation meditation, Silva mind control, etc that can help ease her anxiety a bit.
Ultimatum might be a way to go if need be. Might sound like a nasty thing but really sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind. I handle my kids with ultimatum a lot of the time. They work very well and I know they will be thankful for it someday.
You must put your foot down if you really want to live a happier life. You can look at it as a measure of saving her sanity and yours as well. And even more importantly for your future kid(s), if you both ever decides to have any. In such an unhealthy situation I would definitely avoid having kids (not that you want to but just a precautionary thought).
I would love to give you and her my heartfelt blessing through this virtual therapy movie. It's a soothing aid for the soul.
http://www.mayyoubeblessedmovie.com/
I wish you both well from the bottom of my heart.
Reach