Bemik, wow, I'm glad for your soberness and your personal achievments! I am sure you will reach far.


As for what is happening to your wife, she seems to be the picture of me at this present moment... Let's see, I have been in a relationship for about 8 yrs(started at the same age as yr wife). My bf is a very nice person like you and very comitted. But, as time passed, I realised I was not satisfied with what I had in life; this has created in me a great anxiety... I started to study and improve myself, as yr wife has done. The anxiety which I had inside started to come out; I always had the sensation that whatever I achieved, academicaly, economicaly, etc was not enough and I started to pay it off with my bf. I started to blame him. Why? The first thing is that he had been the person that i have lived with, confided in, etc He was me , my expectations were mirrored on him.Of course, rationally I knew this was not correct. I would yell at him, blame him for everything, and in consequence feel a lot more frustrated. I think your wife is going through something like this. The problem, is not wanting to have a new home, or you fulfilling all her wishes, or even getting a better job; these are all materialistic, even though important, that come on the long run naturally with life; really, I think the problem is the deep insatisfaction she feels and that she's blaming you for it. And it doesn't matter the more you try to consolate her, it's not your fault, she just has to realise what's going on inside her. She has to cool down, take life a little bit more calmly... I think you have done a tremendous job, being on her side all the time. My bf would do just like you, try to calm me down with a hug, gentle words, etc I can remember the tremendous guilt I felt after this, ironically, I felt like a horrible person. And then the circle would start all over again: felt bad-frustrated-}blame on him-}feel guilty.

Conclusion: you have not done anything wrong, on the contrary, you have done the right thing. I am sure it passes her mind, from time to time, how you consolated her, even though her mind is fuzzy right now. What can be the outcome? Well, your wife has to recompose herself; it's something she has to deal with. The thing is, is that she has to be consciouss of this. That would be a start at least. From that point on.. well many things can happen, there could be a change. In my own case, finally I put myself together and made a decision that I needed some time off. I couldn't deal any more with my reactions towards my bf. I realised that this was not normal. We have separated, each our own way. We talk almost every day. I am really glad to have known a person like him. He accepted my decision, I am free to choose. Currently, next monday I am going to the doctor, and start to get myself together again. Still i feel confused. But I have to learn to have patience. About a yr and a half has gone by since this started to happen. Three months ago since I left...

And don't worry of her saying that you are going to leave her. I think this is due to her own feelings of insecurity. Right now I think she is mixing everything in her own mind, past, present and future, It's like an atomic bomb. Probably, because of her insecurity for what she has dealt with in the past. father issue, she is seeing a pattern mirrored on you. I know, it's not pleasent at all, and even it is not fair. Can you make her consciouss of what she is doing to herself and the relationship? I mean, make her think? Maybe, after this she can receive some counceling. Anyway, yes I think she is suffering some kind of disorder or crisis that needs to be dealt with. really, I hope both of you can get over this; and that your wife finds some peace. It's not fair for you to have to fulfil her expectations.. this can even have, ironically, the contrary reaction of what you expect from her(gratitude, happieness,etc). Certainly, she is going to have to deal with herself at some moment Well, I wish you the best. Hope that I have elnlightened even though just a little See u Rap.