Today I had another ECT treatment and now I am not feeling depressed. I am actually feeling really good. I talked with my pdoc about the fact that I feel this way for a few days and then I am back to being depressed. I thought he would increase my treatments to weekly instead of biweekly but he didn't. I know that most of my depression is caused by the work I am doing in therapy but when I can't get out of bed for a couple of days I get really scared and concerned. When I get that way I am afraid I will end up back in the hospital (which is the last place I want to be). I see my pdoc on Tuesday and will stress again to him how I feel about the increased depression, especially the days I can't get out of bed. I just want to stay not depressed for a bit longer that a 4 or 5 days but I also know the work I am doing in therapy is really important. I can't wait for the day that I can stay not depressed for a longer while.

I just can't help but wait for day I am depressed again. My therapist is working really well with me and I appreciate this. I just hate that I am reporting to her in emails that I am always depressed. We will see what she has to say today when I see her.