I almost didn't go to therapy this morning, I drove by his office about 4 times before I finally pulled in. When I went into his office, we just started with the usual stuff. Then he brought up how he knows that talking about my feelings and trust are very hard for me, and that he is proud of how I've progressed lately with him. Then he said he could tell that something has changed, and what I needed him to do to help me get past it. He asked if it was because I was afraid to tell him something and I told him that I thought so. He asked in the kindest voice if I was ashamed of my feeling and I told him I was and OMG........I started bawling like a baby! I swore up and down I would never cry in front of him too. It didn't last very long, because 10 minutes later he said something that kind of pissed me off so then I went back into my pissed off mode.
So now I let more out, and I feel horrible. Now I have to walk around for almost 3 weeks trying to process all this and it just gets so overwhelming I don't know what to do most of the time. I hate feeling this way, it scares me and then I have to work so hard at keeping myself safe. Geez why does therapy have to so darn hard....................................
Cai