I would never be as inept to have my son choose. I have watched to many people do that it is not healthy. I have worked with youth in corrections and that was behavior I saw and heard about daily. I involve me son because I believe it is right. That is something that will not change. I do not lay guilt trips on him or make ultimatums or the like. Bottom line, I never had a father, yet I vowed as a child to be a father and through prayer and the positive examples I was able to learn from, my kids and I have a relationship.

It becomes more about gaining assistance from his mom. It drives my wife and I to frustration at times. My ex does not treat me as if we were still together intimately, but as if she is in charge and i believe that is the whole point: control. When he decided to come stay with us, the look she gave him was one of dominance and when we came to an agreement on terms it was as if she was losing control over something. I don't presume to be a great psychologist even after my studies, but I do know her personality after 20 yrs. She has never seen herself as having or being "a problem."

Thanks all for listening and commenting.