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I hope you don't mind this odd posting, but this is what I need to tell him:
"I don't want to be friends with you!!!!! I cannot be friends with you so stop harassing me with this. I don't care whom you are with or what you are doing in your life. You made the choice of removing me from your life so this is what you 're getting!
So you've moved on, and so incredibly fast! Good for you and your excellent survival skills. You stepped on my back so that you can be a better man for her. Congrats, you must be proud being such a man! Now you suddenly like the idea of marriage and kids. What a different person you are! But are you??? Now you 're with a fancy cell phone, driving her car, swimming in her pool at her mansion in Massachusetts...Finally getting closer to the US citizenship and a good inheritance, huh? I guess you're doing well for someone who barely owns underwear....So are you a better man, or are you hiding even better? Speed up that wedding baby, speed it up and milk her for what she’s worth!!! Right??? What a guy….
Yep, look at you now, always approaching me with pity in your eyes, you know that I'm alone and I can see you're loving it. Truth is, my years alone have been much happier than when I was with you. How sad is that knowing that those years with you were 4!!! What a waste of time, really. You look at me with such a mature attitude now, huh. You're such a success, right? Now you know how to compliment me, now you are nice, gentle with such understanding in your eyes. It's good to see that you can afford to be that way now. I wish you could have been half as nice back then!
I can't be friends with you. Maybe I am being immature, maybe I am forever bitter, maybe I did love you more than I should have. My bad. You didn't deserve my time and for this I will never again waste another full minute with you. I gave you time and I saw what you did with it. You are a corrupted individual, I admired you once but now I know you.
You took advantage of my kindness and my good nature. You manipulated my emotions and scarred me deeply during those years with things that you said or did. Maybe you've regretted it now, but back then you knew what you were doing and you meant it. So, you want to be friends now to redeem yourself? Tell me something; would you keep as a friend somebody who's done you wrong? Do you usually keep those people as friends? Do you trust those people? Why do you ask this from me??? Stop demanding from me to be a "bigger person" and "grow up"! Stop making me feel guilty and irrational about this.
So now you know why I DON'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU. It has nothing to do with whom you are with; if you are engaged or married or with the kids you'd always say you never wanted. I don't care about your life anymore because you never cared for mine.
STOP BEING FRIENDLY WITH ME AND WIPE OFF THAT "I DON'T UNDERSTAND" FACE. Friends don't do what you did. You are no friend of mine."
This goes out to him. Sure, I wish him happiness....the exact same happiness he gave me, no more, no less. The very same amount.
I'm not crying because of some lost love. He didn't love me. I'm crying because of the bad memories I have that can't seem to leave my head. I want to forget so badly! The more I try to forget the more they flood in my head. I wish I could forget. I wish I wasn’t so stupid. I wish I had found the strength to leave earlier.
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