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Originally Posted by StayGolden
I would never be as inept to have my son choose.... When he decided to come stay with us
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Choose what? It sounds like he did choose to come live with you.
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She has never seen herself as having or being "a problem."
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In cases like this, I don't think she is ever going to "see the light" from conversations with her ex. Even more, I think the neutral advice of a professional might be the only hope for getting her to see how destructive she is and stop her negative behaviors. My soon to be ex-husband is very self-centered, narcissistic. He could never listen to me on anything as it was very important to his ego to be "right" on everything. Yet by working with a trained professional, he was able to acknowledge counterproductive and destructive behavior that he never would have been able to if I had said those things to him. Maybe your ex-wife is too resistant to even listen to a professional but it might be worth a shot to make the best situation for your son.
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Originally Posted by ihateit
I wouldn't worry that she talks bad about you, and you are doing the right thing by not talking bad about her. Personally, I woulnd't even discuss her with him, so he has nothing to say at all.
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I totally agree on this. Show by your actions, as you have been, that you love him and are taking the high road. No need to discuss Mom with him unless there are problems he needs to share.
ihateit, I'm sorry about your situation. Your ex-wife was the epitomy of selfishness. Do you think that now that you know where your kids are living, you will be able to see them? Could a lawyer in the UK help you get permission to see them?