I am a newbie here, and I posted a brief intro in the intro section....

I originally reached out to a therapist for couples counseling to help deal with some marital issues that my husband and I have. After the 2nd session, the counselor said he was amazed that we waited so long to get help for my husband's OCD. I've known for years that he's had OCD, but hearing it from the therapist was what my husband apparently needed.

The therapist recommended that my husband see a psychiatrist for meds and then also get individual counseling. This was 6 months ago. Long story short, my husband has been seeing a psychiatrist basically for medication, but none of the behavior issues have changed as he has not moved forward with individual therapy.

Anyhoo....

I decided to reach out to our couples therapist, describing some very intimate issues that I'm dealing with (my husband's OCPD, his controlling nature, strange behaviors, our sexual issues, etc.)....and he recommended that I set up an appointment to speak with him. I asked him if the appt. should be for just me, or both of us. He said perhaps just me, but it's my decision.

At first, I froze....but I ended up making an appt for just me which is this Tuesday.

I am feeling all sorts of anxiety. I am so unhappy in my marriage, to the point of disgust and despair....so much so that I find myself having strong desires (that I do not act on, but are extremely painful)....it's hard to describe it....And I am afraid that, by revealing my innermost secrets and feelings to a therapist...and getting support and understanding from him....leaves me vulnerable to attachment issues, transference and all sorts of other emotions that I am afraid of.

I don't know how I'm supposed to act. What I'm supposed to talk about. Is this about me? Or is this about my husband? Am I supposed to be learning how to deal with his OCD, or do I have my own other reasons to be there?

I sent the therapist a long e-mail yesterday morning, giving him some background information as well as some real examples of our current situation. I have not heard back from him yet, and that disappoints me. I feel needy already, and I haven't even had my first individual appt with him!!!

I feel so ashamed, upset, angry, hurt, depressed, sad.....and I don't know why.