I am so sorry to have disappeared from my thread for days with no reply. Three days after I last posted, I woke up with excruciating pain in my neck and shoulder. I have never had so much pain in my life and it went on for 4 day so badly. All I could do is lay in bed, rigid, gritting my teeth, and trying not to scream. I could not find any way to lay that did not hurt and could not sleep. I literally did not feel like I could endure the pain, occasionally just bawling because there was no escape from it. Even trying to sit up or go to the bathroom was agonizing. Taking advil and tylenol didn't help at all. I missed 4 days of work. The only time I got up and dressed was to go to the chiropractor and doctor.

When I went to the chiropractor, he gave me an adjustment, and told me I was having a huge spasm in my neck and shoulder. He attributed it to stress. He also did acupuncture, and some kind of neuro-emotional work that my chiro does to try to release emotions that have been repressed and stuck in the body muscles. I do not understand enough about the neuro-emotional work to believe its validity, but after doing this testing, my chiro said I had "grief" stuck in my body from an incident that happened about 4 weeks ago. He asked me if I'd had any losses that occurred about 4 weeks ago.

My heart almost stopped as I realized my t left for Argentina 4 weeks ago. Her trips always trigger memories of all my losses. That time period was also an anniversary of when a very close friend of my ended a friendship with me, which was a terrible blow I know I haven't come to grips with yet. So was all this terrible physical pain really due to the repressed, stuck emotion of grief?

I know that I purposely faced my t's trip this time with the attitude that I was going to be strong, not miss her, not let myself think about it. To just keep busy so as not to feel sad or anxious. I recall the feeling of missing her rise up once during her trip but I squelched it, thinking it was best not to even allow myself to miss her, so as not to dwell on it and spiral down. Pushing away any emotions that could prove troublesome seemed like the right thing to do to be strong and not weak or needy.

Is it possible that this determination to be a strong rock that doesn't feel anything have backfired on me? I know the emotions can affect the body, but I'm having a hard time believing that repressing emotional pain could bring out such severe, debilitating emotional pain. I admit I did go to sleep the night before the pain hit upset and thinking about my losses. But could that really be the reason for the physical pain?

I can't think of anything I've done recently to injure my neck or shoulders. I did take a fall on the ice a month ago but didn't seem to hurt me, and aside from that, I've lifed a few heavy boxes at work, but had not done so for 2 weeks by the time the pain hit me. I really had been feeling physically just fine before the pain struck me.

I also went to the emergent care center near my home, and they diagnosed cervical strain and gave me vicodin and valium, which still did not ease the pain. I ended up taking one of my husband's morphine, and "still" it did little to ease the pain.

Anyway, after spending the last 4 days on my back in bed, I am about 50% better, enough to sit and type this for a few minutes before lying back down. It's wonderful to feel even a little relief from that debilitating pain. I feel sorry for anyone with terrible chronic pain. When it is that bad and nothing helps, it feels utterly unendurable.

Well, I just wanted to let everyone know why I dropped off the edge of the earth for several days. At least I am on the mend now.