hi beth idk your whole lving situation re your family but noticed you mentioned going back to school on your signature. i think we all come from some sort of dysfunctinal family. some more intense than others. i have felt like you do (in my past). the healthiest way to get on with your life is to distance yourself, if u can, from your family. not like moving away or avoiding them altogether but keeping an emotional distance from them. i wouldn't participate in everything that goes on either. i'd pick the times i wanted to visit or be with them. most ppl feel they owe their family something. we don't. this is your life and you can make it whatever you want it to be. if you feel better not being around your family as much, that doesn't make you a bad person. it just means you are protecting yourself. your t mentioned that in his email to u too. if you start to feel uncomfortable when you're with them you can plan to leave. it's all about protecting 'self".
as for your anger towards them. u can't change them but u can change u. it's about moving on with your life. the things that u are angry about are gone forever in time. perhaps someone does owe u an apology but that doesn't mean it will come. i know. i haven't gotten any either.
however, what i have done is fill up my life with positive minded friends. they care about me and love me unconditionally, even with my faults. they know i feel the same way too. so i call this my "new" family. of course i still have my birth family and i love each of them. what i have learned is that how i love them has no impact in how they love me or treat me. it is just the way life goes. at first it hurt to look that "in the eye". then i went through a period of acceptance for what is. it helped the anger dissipate.
we all have only today. we can make our day filled with love and joy. i'm glad you have a hubby who sounds like an allright kind of guy. you all can go about making this new life for yourselves. u don't have to feel guilty about this...this is your life...remember that!
hope this helps.