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lynn P. · Feb 28, 2009, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sosad4now

I know this is the divorce forum, but I feel that this is just as intense as a divorce, if not more so.

6 weeks ago my fiance (well, ex-fiance i guess) decided that he didn't want to be together anymore. We had been together 4 years, engaged for 1, and lived together with our dog we raised.

He said he wasn't in love with me anymore and felt that the marriage would just end in divorce.

I moved out that night. About a week later he let me come over to talk and he held me and acted like he wanted me back, but then the next day he called and said he thought about it and he doesn't want to be back together.

Needless to say its been a month since I've heard from him. He told me we shouldn't talk or see each other because it would make him want to be with me, and he doesn't want that.

I don't even know what to do. I have sunk into a deep depression. We had a great relationship - we were best friends. Now he lives in our apartment with our dog and is acting like I don't exist.

Just to clarify, there is NO other woman. I know that for a fact. And he barely has any friends and enjoys staying home, though I know right now he's going out as much as he possibly can (which is funny since I know he hates doing that). I guess he doesn't want to sit home by himself and think.

The silence from him is so loud it could reach miles. I miss my dog. I miss his family. I miss our life, and our future. He loved me very much and I believe he still does. He had never been in a relationsip that long or ever lived with a woman, and I believe we got into a rut while planning the wedding ... sure, life wasn't overly exciting, but do you really just up and leave over that? He is only 24, so I have to chalk some of it up to immaturity.

The only thing that makes me feel somewhat better is telling myself that he is obviously confused and being stupid.

In the meantime, I feel like I'm drowning. I cannot possibly imagine myself with another man. But he said it's over, and his silence is saying that as well, so I feel like if a guy asks me out I should go and feel no guilt, but it feels like I'm cheating on him.

This is so ... there aren't words.

Re: he called of the wedding
I'm sorry for the pain you must be in. I think it would be helpfull for you to understand why he did this so you could have closure. One good thing is thank God he told you now and not later. It could be he's scared and just not ready for marriage. I think in time you'll realize this was the right thing because you don't want to marry someone who has doubts. His decision may have little to do with you and all to do with him, so don't let it bring you down. If I were you I wouldn't date anyone yet until you have had time to heal yourself first. I've been married for 27yrs. with 2 children ages 7 & 11. Three years ago he (who is a muslim) decided to marry another woman (in a religous sense) while still married to me. We live in the same house but separate rooms and are civil to each other. I can't afford to divorce him because of financial reasons. I thought I knew my husband and was devistated when he did this. I thank God everyday that I have my kids who give me the strength t o go on. I know it may not seem comforting right now but, you are young and one day when you find someone better you'll look back and be thankfull that you didn't marry him afterall. Good luck to you and don't be sad or bitter.