I sure identify with the situation. I don't think my wife has reached pre-menopause, but this is clearly a difficult time for her, and it has been very hard for me to understand what is going on. Communication is at a standstill, and I have to tiptoe around these issues to avoid an emotional freakout. (I'm not trying to be patronizing by calling it that. I have put others through my own share of emotional freakouts!)

I am going to try to get her to see a marriage counselor with me. She won't go to individual therapy, but I think I may be able to convince to do this. I'm hoping we can find a non-confrontational place to just get some things out in the open and see if we can identify what is really going on. Maybe I'm doing something all wrong, who knows, but I can't fix it if there is no communication and no way of understanding what it is.

It doesn't sound like your wife would be ready for that, but maybe you could consult with a marriage counselor yourself and get some input.

Good luck, I know it is tough.