I had trouble growing up with friends. One friend in particular from age 13-17 made me so self conscious about my looks it made me withdraw terribly. Even though I had poor grooming in high school, I still had girls tell me I was cute. I was afraid to believe them. My friends made me feel everyone was only setting me up to be hurt. I think my problem now is that I'm starting to get older, and feeling more desperate for approval from women. Everyone seems younger, better looking, smarter, more experienced, etc...etc... And yet I know most of it is in my mind. I've spent most of my life alone because I wanted it that way, and yet at the same time I long for one true love. I'm just so afraid of rejection I can't bear to risk it. And every time I've tried I've been hurt. It's been a self fulfilling prophecy.