Hi,

Your mother sounds very much like my mother. I've spent 54 years trying to have a good relationship with my mother and feeling guilty because that has not happened. How sad is that?

I always thought that if I was just "better" (in so many ways) that our relationship would change into a more healthy and happy one that worked for ME too. I now realise that I would have been much happier and better off if I had accepted my negative feelings for my mother a looooooooong time ago.

Give yourself a pat on the back for all you have accomplished. It's amazing you are doing as well as you are given the lack of support and lack of unconditional love you have gotten from your parents.

Accept all your feelings, good and bad, that you have concerning your mother. There is a reason you feel the way you do. Those reasons may not be apparent right now, but as you mature and keep respecting and validating the feelings you have, your feelings and why you have them will become more clear and obvious to you. Also remember that the only way through "bad" feelings is to FEEL them. There are no short cuts. You will have to grieve the loss of the love and the kind of relationship you wish you could have with your mother and father.

If your mother is like mine she will never accept her responsibility for her part in the relationship. YOU (or someone else) will always be the PROBLEM. It may never OCCUR to your mother that she has any responsiblity in the relationship. She may never reach out to you in any meaningful way. Your relationship with her (and your father) may always be at your exspense.

Grab your education opportunities. Grab the people you love and who love you. So what if you have only a few people around you who love you - you are lucky to have them! Be true to yourself, it's the only way you will ever be able to learn to love yourself and thus love others.

Take responsibility for your decisions and your life. If your mother, or anyone else, ruins certain situations for you, don't invite her into your life, into your special times. If she demands an explanation, tell the truth in the most simple and kind way that you are able.

Your mother's problems are her responsibility. You can't fix them for her. It's not your job. It wouldn't be good for her even if you could fix them for her. All you can do for her is be as kindly honest with her as is possible for you (and her) at this time. Go make yourself a good life. Good luck!