It's a fallacy to say people just throw their marriages out the window. Anyone who has been through divorce knows how extremely painful it is to go through. It is not something anyone enters into lightly. And it certainly is not easy at all. Most people who get divorced after 20+ years together have tried everything they could (or at least one party has) over a period of many years before finally getting divorced. I sure wanted to save my marriage, but my H had many affairs and just wasn't interested in monogamy anymore. (Isn't it one of the vows to be monogamous? Why hold to the "death do us part" vow when the others are broken?) I certainly couldn't force him to be monogamous. In couples counseling, with a very skilled marriage counselor, it became clear divorce was the best solution for us. Yep, divorce comes hard to those who undergo it. It is a hard road and people do not make the decision lightly. unhappywife, what I'm saying isn't really in response to your situation--I'm not saying that you and your H couldn't work out the problems in your marriage. I just wanted to stick up for all of us divorced folks out here who put our hearts and souls into our marriages and many, many years, but still had them fail.