I watch gay porn everyweek if not even almost every other day. I prefer it over being with another male as myself. I enjoy masturbating watching very masculine men engaging in sexual activity with each other. I really would prefer to be in a relationship with a man but I have bipolar disorder and a personality disorder and feel that no man would put up with me. So the porn relieves me from feeling that my mental illness will interfere with me having a real good sexual experience. But then I feel lonely afterwards and empty. Am I in a trap?