Trigger is for mentioning specific drinks people might be partial to and also talking about urges to do things one should not do.

I have had several addicts in my circle of loved ones, but I am not an addict. No, really. I'm not. Unless you count caffeine. However, I think I am a binge drinker. I may go months without drinking a single drink. I don't need it, I may not even think about it. And when I do drink, I don't always have to drink like a maniac. I can have one mixed drink and walk away- or even less than a whole one. So maybe I'm not a binge drinker.

But every so often, I drink 4 + drinks, sometimes as many as 8 or 9 drinks at a time, mix alcohol, and may drink for several days in a row, and may drink like this for several days in a row. Then I am back to normal. Sometimes, I keep drinking even after I'm drunk. I do feel guilty sometimes. And while I said I might not think about it.....other times, I DO think about it. I try to talk myself out of it, but I WANT to drink. Sometimes I want to get totally plastered.

Once during a depressed spell, I drank every day for a short while, but I was getting buzzed to full on drunk nightly. One night I remember what I had. 6 beers and a third of a thing of Jager. I would have had more, but we ran out. On another ocassion about a year and a half ago, I didn't have a whole lot, but I didn't need a whole lot to mess me up because I had lost weight and had a very empty stomach (hadn't eaten much in a few days) and I mixed 4 diff. kinds of alcohol- beer, vodka, cheap fruity wine (not strong, like a wine cooler almost), and some kind of whiskey I don't recall. This past year I had about a week of drinking (that means daily and in a row, otherwise it's more than a week), and on the worst night I had about 8 or 9 drinks. Most of these were mixed- margaritas, kahlua and cream, etc., and then I topped it off with a shot of liquer. I think the bar closed. It seems like it did. If the bar had stayed open and I'd had the money, I might have drank more. Am I a binge drinker?

Right now, I really want to get blown out of my mind tonight. I am broke, but I really want to get drunk. I'm talking no less than 4 or 5 drinks and maybe up to 8 because I want to feel this. But I am worried about brain damage, I don't have the cash, I'd need to find a sober driver, and I hate how when I drink, my nerve endings get all numb. Plus, sometimes, it makes me sick. I know I shouldn't, but I'm tempted. I don't think alcohol is something grand. I know it has led me to feeling sick and miserable, acting like an idiot, wasting money, etc. I don't want to cause myself permanant damage. I care about my brain cells, my nerve endings, etc. But I like how alcohol makes me feel emotionally sometimes.