The end of a relationship is always hard, especially if it's not mutual. I'm not sure mine was, although I might say it was, I'm not sure if I can fully and truly believe that. In some ways, I'm not even sure it's 100% completely over, but it definitely feels like it is.

I don't usually be so public with such things, but then again, I don't usually expect my life to go one way and have it zag off in an unexpected direction overnight. I don't expect someone that I care very deeply about to turn off her feelings for me without letting me know in advance. I don't expect the unexpected, funny that!

(Not really.)

I'm sad, I'm miserable, I'm in that space that I think everyone has been at in their lives at one time or another, to have something so precious one moment, and see it gone the next. Words are just words, she says, but how about just being nice? I can't argue... I'm not always the nicest person in the world, although I have tried harder to be a more caring, thoughtful, and yes, nice individual.

She says she sees warning signs, and when she's seen them in past relationships and ignored them, it has always turned into trouble for her. Who can argue with that? Who can say that I have been a saint all the time toward her, or toward anyone? Treat others the way you would like to be treated, is how the saying goes. I can't even do that.

Yes, there's some self-pity in there, but I think that's inevitable. We can't help but pity ourselves when we've seen how much pain we've caused in another person's life, and indirectly, in our own. How stupid we've been and can be. How short-sighted and selfish. How misdirected and misguided.

I'm all of those things today, and perhaps, in this entire lifetime. I want to help others, all the time not being able to help myself enough to save the one thing that I truly care most about in this world.

John