I hate the weekends. Work keeps my mind busy and off of things. At home I have to hear my sons constantly arguing and bickering. I have a hard time motivating to fo anything. I even upped my anti-depressant by 10 mgs on the weekends (citalipram 20 mgs.) Even that does not help. Constant reminders of my husband (deceased passed away on 1-6-09). Cry at the slightest things. Even my depression is depressed. Have no one to talk to, cuz no body understands. They think I'm nuts. I think I'm nuts. Husband did not treat me well. I loved him, but my wants and needs were taken away to satisfy him. Last five years of his life he was addicted to meth. Died due to meth. Can't let go. Scared as heck to go on. scared as heck to die. Dealing with an autistic son (16) and a hyper (15 year old son.) All it is is give me give me buy me buy me. Got away with it with my husband cuz he bought them everything. They fight for my attention. I try to give us much as I can. Sheesh they have even resorted back to calling me mommy. Keep asking them if they are having trouble dealing with their dad's death they say no but their actions prove otherwise. Both are more aggressive than normal. I'm constantly walking on eggshells with them. The 16 year old punched a hole in the wall this weekend cuz he was asked to help get my grandkids into the cab. Were living at my mom's house and she is getting sick of him breaking windows, punching holes in walls and slamming doors.

If anything. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.

Me