To give context briefly: I was sexually abused as a child by an "uncle"-in-law and my older brother, at separate times in my childhood. Both abused me more than once, over periods of time. The uncle I know for sure also abused his step grandaughter. She was my "cousin", my age, and we used to spend time together as friends/relatives.

My mother was sexually abused as a child. She has never sought help, or even thinks she has ever needed any help. My mother found out about my brother abusing me, many years later when I was an adult, from someone else - I did not want her to know. (I did tell her about my uncle when I was an adult.) The rest of my siblings and now their children and other family members mostly do not know about any of this happening to me. Although I sought help for myself, I never wanted to "tell" on these guys.

With my uncle I didn't want to tell because I was afraid I wouldn't be believed. He abused me first and when I was younger. My brother I never wanted to tell on because I felt somewhat protective of him. He grew up in the same hell I did. I never heard of him doing anything like that to anyone else. Early on I rationalized that it only happened because of all the insanity going on in our home. My father was a violent alcoholic. My mother was just as crazy as he was, though not an alcoholic.

I'm 54 years old now. I spent years when I was younger acting out sexually and inappropriately. That all stopped when I gained some insight over 25 years ago.

But recently I find myself feeling angry again. And I wonder if my brother ever did anything like that to anyone else, including his daughter. I have thoughts of wanting to let all the family know what happened with both men. The uncle, I now realize, was (he died several years ago, my mother actually asked me to go to his funeral!!) a pedophile, pure and simple. I'm sure there are other children out there who were hurt by this man.

My brother I'm not sure about. But it has of course impacted our relationship, we are not close. I had never before considered telling any of my other siblings or their now almost grown children, because I did not want to hurt anyone. But there is still much hurt, bad feelings and unresolved issues in our family. Often I feel that other family members blame me for the distance I have kept from certain people, other family members. I feel that they see me as difficult to get along with and as a person who does not care much about other people. This hurts me and makes me angry.

Now I'm thinking that if in the natural order of things the situation happens (again) where I'm feeling like that, and in a natural context that is appropriate, I'm not going to keep silent about what happened between me and my older brother any longer.

I also sometimes think of contacting my uncle's son and/or his grown children, (or even the police in the area my uncle spent the last many years of his life) to tell them what he did, who he was. I imagine that I might actaully somehow be validated by this.

I don't really plan on acting on these thoughts, but I'm not sure. And these thoughts and feelings are with me often enough "recently" and the older I get. I'd like to hear other's experiences, thoughts and feelings.