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Sometimes it feels like no one understands, and then it feels like everyone understands. It is so difficult to learn to trust anyone, because we were taught never, EVER, share ANYTHING or something bad will happen. I have to say I have seen both sides of that statement. Sometimes I get into trouble after I have disclosed something of myself to someone else, and then at other times, it seems the exact opposite has happened. So if I don't talk a lot, it's not you guys, it's me. Talking about my alters is very distressing to me, because for so long I didn't know that anything happened to me. I just thought having huge lapses in time was normal. I am finding out it is not the "norm" to not know what happened. Sure, I am not talking about just losing a little time here and there. That is something I find we all do by daydreaming, or thinking of other things when we are driving. Those are "normal". But I am talking of HUGE holes in my childhood, as well as my adult life, that I have no explanation for. I cannot remember, cannot understand what it is that is wrong, or what transpired during those times. It freaks me out when I start obsessing about things, because I'm trying to make a book for Myriam of my life, and I can't remember. I can't remember who I was, what I did, or when I did things. So I am having a bit of difficulty in accepting that these things happened. I don't think that my DID is totally understood by me, but I am realizing that something wrong did happen. I just am a bit squeamish about finding out the what's and the wherefore's. So if I freak out, leave, and we come back as someone else, know that it was getting too much for me. Thank you all for understanding.
Yahna, the main Jewel
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True love exists when we lose ourselves to invest in the care of others.
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