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Rekon · 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bonaire

guys, you're young and it sounds like most if not all of the issue revolves around sex with others outside of the relationship. I was young once (I'm 44 years "not so young now"). When I was in my 20s, yeah - I wanted to hang out with girls who I wanted to mess around with but being more interested in creating a career so I could eventually start a family, it was less "going out and partying" and rather having long-term girlfriends. Granted, I have had a woman in my life since I first met my first gf back when I was 17. I was never without a girlfriend - and at times, one overlapped with the next. It wasn't that many - but it happened. Many times, I wish I could take my brain from today and go back 20 years.

One of the hardest things someone has to learn in life is to put up strong boundaries - to say "no" to something even when a friend or relative wants you to. It takes a lot of practice - you have to reherse and mean it. Like Sher says - she's done it - she's been a tomboy and hung with guys and seems to have some control over things. That's better than some folks who will just say "oh, you like me? let's go out, let's sleep together, etc." This all comes from parenting and if her parents did a good job in teaching this - then she should be ok (well, better than most).

Boundaries are in question when you put yourself in "harm's way". You can understand if well defended, you can't be touched. If you guys both work on your boundaries and see that they are clear, then it may make it better for the trust you guys need to build (if you want it to work). I've been in a few long-distance relationships (not more than a few hundred miles). I sure would have rather had someone close-by at the time, but those two people were awesome - I wouldn't have traded it for anything. But notice - I said two people (and neither are my wife today). You have to give it a try, but if it doesn't make sense - don't dwell on it forever, just do what is healthy for both of you. It may mean trying harder and harder for each other, or it may mean saying "there are too many reasons that this won't work right now, maybe we can try again sometime later."

yea and that's what I told her after I found out about the other guy she had been talking to for 3 months. I told her we can just be friends for now but I told her honestly I'm not looking for a one night stand I was looking for a actual relationship that would last year's not just 3 months like all the rest. But when I found out about Matt I pretty much said hey this is the 4th time you have been caught talking to him and this time you said you would go down on him when you get better? I think it's going to have to be over between us and I said that because the last time we broke up it was because of him and we had got back together because I promised to get off the computer more and to hang out with her but she also said she would never talk to him again. as of right now I'm waiting for her call logs for this month and if she's telling the truth about not talking to him for 2 to 3 weeks then she will get much more trust back, but on the other hand if she lied again I'm going to have to call it quits for a while, because this hasn't been the only thing she has lied about and as I'm sure you know it's not fun to be looking over some ones shoulder every few minutes to see who they are talking to or why they are texting someone. no matter how much you love someone that's a little too much.

I also haven't partied for almost 8 months now and I maybe have a mixed drink once every 1 to 2 months if even that, when I first got out I partied everyday and drank a little to excessively but like I told sherry once I met her I stopped doing all the wasteful things. plus drinking don't really make a person happy it only sends you deeper in depression or that's what I believe.