Oh man, me too!! I still cringe at some of the things i said when i was a teenager. I at least was heading toward my room as i said my nasty stuff tho. So on some level i knew i was acting out.

One of the things that bugs me about this is recently i started therapy again(had to wait til they had someone else with an opening) and when she asked where i was going i said i had a mental health appointment and she said why you doing that? You seem fine to me. I said well this cant be as good as it gets and i want to be better. I really think she believes im not mentally ill. Just cause i havent been in the psych ward since dec doesnt mean i still dont have those thoughts tho. It would seem wrong to me to tell an 18 year old who has her own stresses and things to worry about tho. I also dont know if id be able to keep calm. I get angry pretty easily. Fortunately 99% of the time i can keep it in and vent it to gf or journal. Heck prolly 100% of the time in the last several years. Im also kind of afraid if one tiny bit sneaks out the flood gates open and i make her feel like i feel now and i dont have the raging hormones of a teenager to blame for my outbursts. And she doesnt have the coping ability of a 30 year old and im not handling it all that well myself. I usually like this kind of advice for other people, probably cause i wish i had the ability to remain calm and discuss things without getting defensive.

Plus the chicken in me thinks that in two weeks we are moving and she is moving out so hopefully that would change our relationship into more of an adult to adult one. Instead of the now sorta-adult to child one lol. I cant think of any more excuses of why i cant