P7, i'm going to therapy. my therapist has been working with me on my anger and what comes with it. I've just held things in, way back since i was a kid and as i got older it got easier to do.

I admit i'm really pissed at all my family and friends for saying their coming back and didnt. What i cant stand is that they all make me feel bad for staying. I'm not the only one that feels this way that stayed and rebuilt. We're insulted, put down, told we're stupid by family, friends and people we dont even know. In the past, even here at pc, i've gotten pm's telling me these things.

I dont insult them or tell them their gonna die becuase of all the **** in the air. And Muffy you nailed it on the head, all of them say they didnt come back because of their kids, work, etc. I respect them for their decision, but yeah i'm still pissed. And you should see all the 2000 kids going to our two rebuilt schools. Out of trailers and in buildings now.

I'm just so damn tired of being told i'm worthless and deserve everything i get because i came back. At least i'm one of the 16,000 out of 67,000 that has the backbone to rebuild a parish that was 100% destroyed. And i'm trying to not let them take that backbone away. i feel it happening though. They've done it in the past and you know the avenue i went becuase of it. I just have to keep that talk out of my head and my blinders on when i'm outside.

Muffy i'd get back on the camera, but having a little problem with using it. When i try to use it i flashback to that day i videoed the footage for the dvd 'da parish'. But i am working on it in therapy. My therapist today even gave me a challenge. She wants to see a documentary i shot and edited by May 1st. I'ts stressing me out so i'm just trying not to think about it right now. I'll see what tomorow brings.


Today i just want to know and feel what happy is, even if lasts only a minute.