"i go back to my doc next week. what am i suppose to tell her - that i think i've given up... that i don't want to try anymore 'cuz i'm scared of failling even more... i don't want to be around friends or family because they all ask the same question- so what are you doing? i don't f-ing want to answer that... "

I'm sorry to read how bad and hopeless you feel. When you feel bad for that long a time, it's not surprising that you start to feel hopeless. I have lived with feelings of depression, hopelessness, sadness and loneliness for most of my 54 years of living. But I have gotten much better at dealing with those feelings.

Yes, you should tell your doctor how you are feeling. Tell her exactly how you are feeling, don't hold back. And when friends and family ask you questions that bother you, some things you might tell them are that you are doing the best you can, and if they aren't walking in your shoes they should not judge you. Or tell them you don't feel like talking about that, "can we please talk about more positive things, I hate that the conversation always centers on me and my problems?" Also you might spend some time thinking about why their questions bother you so much, specifically. And talk to your doctor about those feelings.

I found it very difficult to accept all my limitations. That I had/have mental & physical health issues that do in fact limit my activities, my accomplishments, all the hopes and dreams I had when I was younger. But when I know I've tried my best and just can't do or be what I want, then I have to accept that. Love myself inspite of that "failure" and then move on and focus on what I can do or be. It's been a long, difficult, hard journey and process, but I have gotten better. It's not easy.

I hope you start to feel better soon, ((jrae)).