Here is what I think...

And. just to let you know, my boy is only 1, so I am far, far away from anything like this.

I think that sleepovers, around the age of 11, are perfectly ok.. IF you know the parents well, have hung around them together, ect. Now of course, no matter how well you know someone they can be an abuser in secret. There are ways to protect your child against this..

This is one of the primary reasons we need to teach our kids to defend themselves/about good touch and bad touch/to never fear telling us anything. When to start this kind of lessons is really up to you - personally I would begin when the child is ready to start going to a school without me - whenever the child is going to be around other adults without me around. You just never know.

You don't have to scare your child.. there are plenty of great children's books and books for adults on how to broach the subject of healthy touch and negative or abusive touching. Also, I think being open with children about things like the names of body parts(real names, don't use slang, its better to stick with actual names such as penis and vagina and whatnot-this makes it more cemented and less chance of being misunderstood)and about their sexuality is really important. And yes, children that young DO have a sexuality.. everyone has a sexuality from birth. So its important that you start at a fairly young age with things like body parts and good and bad touching, and who to tell if someone should do something that makes them feel bad.

Also, its important that our children feel like they can come to us ANYTIME with ANYTHING that they feel strange about.. even if they just tell us another adult gave them a hug and they felt weird.. they should feel like they can come to us without fear of us saying"oh is that it" or "thats nothing" type of responses. Kids need to know that we will validate their feelings and help them sort it out.

So i think the best thing you can do is instill a good basic knowledge of themselves and how to protect themselves from an early age - make it age appropriate of course - so that they know what to do.