((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((chaotic))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

First of all, NO, I do not think humans are inherently evil. Just the opposite, in fact. And I certainly don't think YOU are evil!! You have shown yourself to be a caring, intelligent, insightful, thoughtful, and kind person....

It sounds like you are afraid that you are going to unleash some wild feral child side of yourself....but at the same time, look at how well you are directing that energy into your art. What an awesome tool that is to work through WHATEVER you are feeling.

For me, sometimes when emotions are first revealed in therapy (anger, for example) - it just feels so HUGE and UNCONTROLLABLE. But my T reminds me that feelings are information, not emergencies. So, I try to take that information, and figure out what to do with it (not easy for me!). I think things like anger and the feelings that you are describing have a lot of ENERGY associated with them, and so we have to work with that energy.

I have done everything from run (not run away - go for a run), to hit the heavy bag in the basement, to drive in my car and scream, to write in BIG BLACK LETTERS every single hateful thing that I want to write down. I have also just sat with the energy, knowing that that is what it is - energy - and just feeling it, and accepting it, and it has dissipated.

Our big feelings can be really scary...but the fact that you are letting yourself feel them, and express them to T and in your art is really so healthy and good.

Sometimes it helps to just slow down and breathe, too...