Hi Laura,
I don't know the entire history, but from what you wrote, it sounds as if your Mom really does try to accept you as you are, to the very best of her ability. I'll let you in on a little secret . . . my daughter, also an adult, has her own struggles in life and I try the very best to support her choices, etc. I want so badly for my daughter to be happy, to get the things in life that she wants and generally still feel responsible for her wellbeing. I need to learn how to shut-up and just listen without trying to give advice. I can tell you from my own relationship with my daughter, that my feelings are not borne out of "non-acceptance" of my daughter, but just wanting her to be safe, and pleased with her life. It's the self-sacrificial part of mothering that really means, "I wish I could take all the bad things away and make them OK for you". But, instead of saying this, I give advice. I would give anything for my daughter to be happy. I would give up my own life for her. She knows this and knows she is completely loved, but the advice giving part of me has got to go! It gets in the way of my daughter wanting to tell me things. Thanks for bringing this up and reminding me as a mom that I need to step back and live and let live!