i'm sorry to hear about your pain Dr John....

i can relate when you say "I want to help others, all the time not being able to help myself enough..." but maybe this quality is more noble then it seems? And i don't think it implies a certain "short-sighted" and "selfish" characteristics that you mentioned.....that's far from selfish. And i'm sure anyone that you've ever helped would agree.

I don't know the details, so I don't mean to presume......but you sound like you're aware of whatever "it" was that was hidden from you before.....i would think this is a good thing? Maybe this breeds hope for the future? For mending the past?.....

I hope all gets well soon.........and i hope everthing will still work out for you in the end....

best wishes.......

- poison.

"Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets."
-Paul Tournier

"While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior."
-Henry C. Link