Un benounced to you all, I was planning on dying on the September 30th. I had been planning it for a while, and decided it was the night to put up or shut up. I had the pills ready, this time I was sure to succeed thanks to a website that let me know how much I'd need to die. But, I am obviously not dead, and no I did not chicken out. My friend Jonny showed up at my house at 4 am and said to me "Want to go to Jasper right now?". So, I said "yes" and in my head I was thinking "Wow this guy is friggen amazing", and I owe him huge for prolonging my life if only for a few more months. So, I went to Jasper for the day, and it was amazingly beautiful (Jasper is a place in the rocky mountains for those of you who are not farmiliar with Canada). I couldn't believe it was happing and it all seemed like a dream.

I got to see him, and talk to you him for a long time which really helped, or seemed to, until I got home. When I came home reality struck me in the side of the head with a 2 by 4. The blow did large damage to me seeing as how I haven't eaten since. My mind is so overhwhelmed these days, I am finding it hard to see the fun in things and enjoy the simple pleasures in my life. People are changing and I am being left behind in my same mould. I feel like [censored], and although the trip help, I still feel as if I should do it and go along with my put up or shut up approach.

I need something, I'm not sure what. How about knowing that my old friends on this site are still around and doing good? I hope so I think of you guys, don't ever think that I don't care. Sometimes I don't show it. Names that come to mind are Vett, Rapunzel, Serenity, Hey Hey, Planningtodie, LMo, and Heidu. Where has everyone gone? I haven't been keeping up with whats been going on with fighting and crap. I didn't like the talk about the "Core people". Because I don't like the idea of people having more status here than others and leaves ppeople like myself feeling excluded from people who claim to be "Our friends and family". Anyway, please do something for me, I'm not sure what.

Update on Erin: She has made me dead inside.

Death Calls Us All, How Long We Prolong It Is Our Choice