hi NF,
Although the events of our lives are quite different, there are aspects of your story that I can relate to: my parents both died when I was a kid, my two oldest sibs left and went out on their own, and I was passed around to three separate homes with my brother (regretfully).

There are many very practical safety things that trigger stress for me, there is not a day goes by when my husband and three teens walk out the door that I tell myself that I might not see them again...I take very little for granted, what's the point of being optimistic? I'm rather fanatical about safety (seatbelts, etc.)...and I see the fruits of my anxiety as it passes to my children.

During my teen years I lived in a very controlling abusive blended family, and I tell you, those five years did a lifetime of damage, mental/emotional abuse is so insidious!

I can't advise you regarding getting a formal diagnosis or how it plays out with SSD, but for me, it was a big part of healing, so simply have a name for something that I could hold apart from me and say 'oh, that makes sense, and 'oh, this is going to trigger', etc. a diagnosis made my reactions much more understandable, less shameful, it turned them into an event rather than being simply about me.

I didn't mean for this to get so long, and I'm glad to hear you have your practical needs met. Please hear that for me, getting dx, and then recognizing the triggers has helped immensely. What I was NOT prepared for was the generational triggers that i'm now trying to cope with...what I'm saying is that as I see my own kids go through the develpmental years, it triggers me to reflect what I was going through at the time.

my DD is 13, so I relive those abused years, my eldest son is 17, so I relive my last year at 'home' (I moved out on my own when I was 18)...

My mom died at 51, and just knowing that will be a big big trigger for me, when I keep thinking of how I'm about to outlive her, she had one more year and didn't know it, well, just knowing I'm living a trigger right now, helps it seem less about me and more about ptsd.

yes, NF there's great hope and alot of good stuff out there for you to grab hold of and just decide to be persistent about seeing what might work for you for today.