SS, i can relate to that state of mind. i am bpd with hypomania. particularly when i am stressed i feel angry, agitated and irritable with everyone at a drop of the hat. when i know i am on edge i try to not islolate but do stay to myself somewhat. the reason is simple it will place me in far less situations where i might go off. if i have an errand to run to the store, if i can wait i do, for example. to relieve some of the strssors in my life i exercise briskly each day to let off some of the tension (this really works and it takes my mind off things for a few). another thing i do is get invoved with a project that i've been putting off or do some crossword puzzles, etc. if i am able, i try to read as this takes me out of my self for a while. i use these distractions until i start to feel better. i'm sure you already know when u're feeling better too. sleep is difficult for me too when i'm like this. if i wake up or can't go to sleep i get up and do sumthin'...mop the floor,etc and then try again to get some rest. try to be gentle on yourself right now as you would a good friend. it's so easy to be hard on ourselves and when we're bp we will have these times in spite of everything we do to help ourselves. this too will pass. i think your sharing this with us may help too cause it's "letting the stream out of the kettle". hope some of these suggestions may help you. i care about u so let us know how it's going, k?
i re-read your posts and would like to add that i too find knowing i have appts out front is hard. to relieve that i try to space out some of those to not have the tension and anxiety of going be so high.
you are doing some very good things for yourself and i applaud you. facing your "demons" in therapy can be scary but the reults are so rewarding. and you're correct..many times behind the anger is just fright. u can write your thoughts down and it will "show" you what's really going on with you. it'll indicate the fright. then u can better deal with that in therapy.