Quote:
Originally Posted by Amii
Hi Everyone, Ive been reading this forum with interest.
Say hello to a 'FELLOW PLEASER'
I recommend a book called DISEASE TO PLEASE by Dr Joyce Braiker.
My disease has progressed from not being able to say NO and helping everyone in sundry to my own detriment, to doing THINGS FOR PEOPLE now before Im even asked.
I Second guess what everyone MAY need even before they know they need it. It must be a pain for some people, I know it is for me as it is extremely tiring also.
I know what you mean about running out of hours in the day to help.
Some of mine isnt so much 'helping' as things like making cards and doing artwork for them. The more people I get to know, the more birthday cards, xmas cards,pictures etc I feel I MUST make them. I cant leave anyone out as I dont want to hurt anyones feelings. So the list of people to make for became totally unmanageable.
Since reading this book I am pleased to say Im pleasing myself much more and not feeling so guilty about that.
What I have realised is 'helping' can become an addiction like any other...
It gets so you need to do more and more and more before you feel you are helping enuf, being nice enuf, or anything else enough in order to gain whatever it is we are subconsciously wanting to gain, whether its approval, avoiding punishment of some kind, or whatever else the subconscious 'pay off' is.
Anyway I thought Id mention the book, as I found it very helpful (ha) and has given me a lot of insights into my 'helping/doing for' behaviour.
All the best 
Amii |
Hey Amii, your post has made me laugh and smile. You totally have me with everything you said.
Pleasing people is my worst and best quality.
I do not ask for anything in return. But i have noticed i am starting to feel like crap when people walk over me.
For insance
In my line of work we do sleep in's. I work with guys who have Autism and Cahllenging Behaviour. My best friend was having problems with the guy she was doing the sleep in with. So i said i would nip in and see her before i went home. This was at 1030pm. I was still there at 730am as he was a nightmare. I knew why i was there as my mate was stressed and he was testing her. Shouting etc at her. So thats why o stayed.
BUT
Does she do it for me NOPE!!! Does anyone do it for me NOPE!!!
Why do i still do these things? I feel like i have to, to please people so i am liked?
I give too much at Christmas. So last Christmas i said no i am not. Amazingly i stuck to it. However one of my mates i was gonna buy her a gift and i had it in my house. But i thought wait would she do it for me NOPE!!!
I did get my best friend and her boyfriend gifts though. I had tehm in a big sack and looked like Santa heehee!!! She couldn't believe it. But it was cause she has supported me through loads of things so thats why she got the gifts.
I need to learn to say that little word that most people find easy to say NO!!!!!