I have session tomorrow so I left T a message last night. Since I have been going once per week and not calling or emailing between sessions I felt like touching base with him since I have been doing poorly the past three days. I have been missing my dad more and more each day and feeling quite depressed.

He called back a little while ago and I explained a little bit of what has been going on. I said, "It has been six months (since my Dad died) and it isn't hurting any less."

He said, "Why would you expect it to hurt less? Why, after such a great loss, would you expect it not to hurt?"

Mistake #1:

I ****ing hate when he asks those stupid rhetorical questions.

I told him that I just want someone who is feeling this like me. I can't do this grieving with my mom. She is just too disconnected from everything. I can talk to her, but she will end up saying **** like, "Well, what can you do? We have to go on." She really has no idea.

So then I'm crying on the phone. I tell him, "I can't do this anymore. It has been six months and sometimes I think he's still coming back. I mean, I know he's not-- but maybe...."

Silence on the other end of the phone.

Mistake #2:

Saying absolutely nothing in a moment when I am basically saying that I really need to connect with someone about this.

So, I just decided to end the phone conversation myself, which I have never done before.

I said, "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." He said, "Okay, see you tomorrow at 3." I said, "Bye," and hung up.

Mistake #3:

Leaving me feeling angry, frustrated, sad, and completely abandoned.

Okay, so I know that my feelings are generated by the interaction that occurred. They aren't necessarily mistakes by him. I know that. But still. I'm hurting so I need to be angry at him right now. Maybe he felt there was just nothing he could really say. How can you help someone in grief, especially over the phone? I should have realized that. It was stupid to call.