(((wmd))) u're in a painful place right now. wish i could take away your pain and loss but sometimes we are unaware of what the "plan" is. i certainly don't know either. but i do know we care an awful lot about you and understand...  as best we can. we are always here for you. 
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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