Thank you Orange Blossom and Sannah, and I agree with you Orange Blossom, It is definately a relief to get it out there, I mean, it has always been my mother talking about it, and I have just sat there with my mind blank kind of blocking it all out, like I do with alot of pain I have felt and I zone out, just..automatically, and if i'm asked about it I just, kinda give answers like I'm on auto-pilot or something, without any feeling at all.

Sannah, It feels like I have been paranoid my whole life, and I am so negative about it, the reasons why I don't have friends, and a normal 19 year old's life. I think this is the way it will be forever, and that really, I'm not going anywhere in life, I think I'm just a broken human being, and once in a while life throws me things to make me believe that I could have a normal life, without paranoia, and be safe and comfortable, but always, no matter what, my insecurities will always prevail and mess everything up in my life. Right now I have this attitude like why bother doing anything to get things positive in my life, when I know just one thing can ruin it and spiral down into rock bottom.

I'm going to continue my stories, maybe just one for now, I kinda feel really low ;\ I'm trying to go in a time line, to what I can remember happened first, or second, or what comes next that happened, and now I'm at my uncle.

My mother was the youngest of 10 kids. Her and her brother's and sisters had a rough upbringing also, not so much my mother. My grandfather was an abusive alcoholic when he was younger with my grandma. He would beat her and demand sex, have alcoholic rages..he stopped when my grandmother gave him the choice to either go to Ontario and get a job and stop drinking or she would leave him, and take all 10 children with her. My grandfather went to ontario and one by one brought them up there from Nova Scotia. I am kinda getting off track, the main thing I wanted to point out here is that childhood problems have always ran in my family. I also wanted to say that my mother was kind of, resented by my uncles and aunts because she was different from all of them, My mother is a very outspoken woman, and does the right thing, even if it means it is her to blame aswell, she is not afraid to admit to her faults. She was always just thought of Little Leeann, she doesnt know anything or she's just different. Basically she was the outsider in her family.

This all add's up, I promise.

As my mom and her siblings grew up they all married, had kids and whatnot, and my Aunt cathy met Bruce, my uncle. She had already had two children from a previous husband. Their names are Roxanne and Dougie. When she met Bruce, she had two more children named Ashley and Brandon.

When we lived close to eachother, my parents would go over to Cathy and Bruce's house with me and my brother. my Aunt susan also lived close, so it was like a weekend thing, The adults would hang out, all the cousins would play together. On one morning after a visit, my aunt cathy had called my mother, and said that someone spilled beer on her green comforter, and she didnt know who did it. My mom was just like wow that's weird, but she knew that night before, bruce had said he was putting the kids to bed and nobody else went into that room afterwards because of the kids. She didn't want to bring it up to my aunt, because she didn't know if it was him or not who did it.

Fast-forward to one night at my Uncle Davie's house, the adults are in the house, and all of the cousins are there, Ashley said hey lets go play in the car, so we went, there was like..6 of us? I know Ashley was there..oh my god, and samantha and Justin, and my brother..and I think maybe Brandon..I remember we were standing outside, and Ashley and yelled..something like, We're all going to jump in the car and whoever is in the middle has to do something! and so we thought it was a game, and me not thinking, jumped into the car..I ended up in the middle..and everyone was laughing..and then Ashley said I was in the middle, and she said I had to touch her, and she pulled down her pants..and I think I'd rather stop right there for that memory, I dont want to go into detail.

Anyways, I told my mother..about the incident, and she knew something was up, so I think she asked Ashley where she learned that, and Bruce's name was said..my mom brought it up to my Aunt, and my aunt flipped, and caused a huge family fight. everyone was against my mother saying she was lying, it wasnt true..But then Jennifer confessed that she was molested by him, and Roxanne did aswell..and Brandon was told at the dentist office that he had something wrong with the top of his mouth from "sucking" on something, and Brandon was too old to be sucking on a pacifier, and he didnt have a bottle. My mom put this all together, because it was my cousins who went to her, to tell her, they knew she'd get it to stop.

My mother had just gotten off the phone with my aunt cathy, everyone was against my mom, everyone. My mom exploded because she knew, and so she said she was going to file a police report. Cathy hung up on her and then the phone rang and it was Roxanne, and Roxanne was telling her to stop, just stop, forget about it, and my mom asked her, are you sure roxanne? tell me to stop and I will forget about everything, but that means that this is going to continue, Roxanne said yes stop. Not more than 2 minutes later she phoned my mother back and said please don't stop, I can't handle this. My mother called the police, and bruce was arrested. He never hurt my cousins again. It was confirmed he molested 4 of my cousins who came forward, but we think 2 more was also, and they just havnt come forward. I was 7 or 8 I believe. maybe even 6. This happened after the Robbery.

Because of this incident however, My mother was abandoned by her family, they didn't speak for 8 years, and at big christmas reunions we had every year, I was the only one who showed up for my family..and I would go there with such resentment, because I knew the stories..but I was really only there for my grandma. My uncle had threatened to beat my mother up with a bat, saying she made up lies, and many more stupid things happened because nobody believed my mother. They all hated her. They still do. It has actually gotten worse after my grandmother's death.

So much typing, it feels like I could go on forever with my family..definately need a break.