Hey Foolish,
Well I for one am glad for Johnny and I have to believe that he showed up when he did was for a reason. An angel in disguise maybe.

As for your put up or shut up....well I would rather here you piss and moan than have you end your life. I think the only thing I or anyone asks of you is that you are courteous and kind to everyone. It's ok to express how you are feeling, even if you are feeling bad.

I would love to help you, be a friend, just be there for you so you don't have to walk life's hard road alone right now. The thing is, when we have chatted if I don't let you wallow in your muck you just abruptly leave. I want to help but I can't help you spin in circles. That only leaves me dizzy too.

Have you figured out what you can do to actually make life better for yourself? What you can do to get started on a new path that might bring you a little comfort and happiness?

It only takes one step. One little step in the right direction. You talked about God. Let him be your friend and support. Maybe instead of going to a Doctor you can find a Pastor to talk to that can help you.

You have options. You have choices. They are there for you to make. All you gotta do is decide you want to feel better and find someone to help you. I'll be here for support too and I bet many others will. Find your first step. Don't look at the big picture. It's too much, too overwhelming.

Look at one thing you can do to make life better. Start small. If you can do that one thing then you will gain some confidence and start feeling just the smallest bit better. Then you can take the next step. Slowly but SURELY you will start feeling better about your life and yourself.

I am sending you hugs...hope they help.
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin