When I was trying to get help for yrs, I was involved with the "system", their choice of pdoc, their choice of counsellor and no one seemed to be seeing "me", they were talking the talk, but none of it had much connection with what I was feeling...now I am with a T that works privately, I see what a great difference their is...reading your first post, and your last remark about the poor rat and the awful scientist (which cracked me up LOL) I'd say you are in the best position to say what you feel is right for you and this pdoc sounds like a donkeys ***!!