Mr.Mike...your wife and mine are totally diff hehe...she's quite, hates confrontation, and well, donesn't talk much at all. She's the total opposite of me, one of the reasons I fell in love with her, she's my alter ego, calming, relaxing, made me want to stay home more and be with my family kinda thing. She also understands my insecurities, but how many times can one say I'm sorry before there is one too many and one has had it? We are in a similar boat tho my friend, and I hope you and your T can help the two of you, as I have stated many times, don't ever give up, until all avenues have been attempted, even then, there could still be hope!
Mad - Thanks again, I need that little slap of reality hehe.
I do have a T and I had written down what you said and we did talk about it. And yes, I know she loves me very much, without hesitation she has said it, without words she has shown it, (eg., I was talking about getting new wedding rings to "renew" our marriage and our vows to each other. She asked what we would do with our old rings and I said we wouldn't wear them, she instantly grabbed her left hand and said no! LOL, no hesitation there. You are so right, intellctually I know...feeling overwhelm me, and I overwhelm her, so it has to stop...I was doing well, now, I need to take a step back and do well again! Thank you Mad!
Locust - Well, yeah, I was umm, not really so much angry, no, I was upset, hurt, feeling unloved. I had no intention of yelling or fighting, eh, as I read it I may have made it seem that way. No, my anger, well, it's gone. My T told me it's the flip side of anxiety, my anxiety was her leaving, that anxiety has been quelled, as I said to Mad, I know intelectually everything is fine, but yeah, I let my feelings take over and I get scared. So, my insecurities make me ... ask stupid questions that I know the answer too. Make me question why one would hesitate. Yes, I have done extensive research into PTSD to the point now I am asking her to change her Ts because the one she has is not up to speed with EMDR, and I don't want her to be worse off with a T that won't even tell her she has PTSD when it's clear she does...there is a post in the PTSD section about this ... heh, I post a lot, --->
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=91119
In there I listed how one is diagnosed with PTSD and yeah, she's got it, but he won't tell her she does. He's putting her through CBT, when all I have read is that EMDR is THE way to go with PTSD, maybe sometimes with other means of treatment. Anyway...
We have been working on this for the last ... 6 weeks now. Within the first week, she did admit that what she had said on "D" day was truly out of anger and was her ultimatum to me, if things didn't change, something drastic would happen. Now, she has told me everything is ok, and that eventually everything will be fine, by that she means her wall will come down and she will need the intimacy we once had. She loves me, I know this...but you're right, someone with PTSD gets detached, especially from loved ones, and keeps their distance at times. She was affraid to talk to me at one time because of the anger issue, she's not affraid anymore, but she's still hard to get to communicate, and that's the PTSD.
I did choose to go to my T, on my own volition because of the anger and the insecurities. But before I even went, something happened in me, and the anger washed out of me, I don't feel the need to yell and start fights, not in the traditional sense. The root, hehe, it's funny you say that, because that is something I always use as well, find the root cause! LOL.
The root was my fear of her leaving me, feeling that I am not good enough for her, she's out of my league (really, she's beautiful, inside and out, and well, when I first saw her, the thoughts lol, what a *****, but she's HAWT! LOL...anyway...) which caused major anxiety, and the flip side of major anxiety is ... dun dun dun, anger! Like I said, it washed away from me, prolly because I knew that we weren't going to be apart, even when "D" day hit...she and I both knew we weren't spliting up, weren't giving up.
What happened today was an insecurity issue, I wasn't so much mad, as, like I said, hurt, feelings of mistrust...why can't you say you love me without hesitation thing...email, blech, I know, she's busy and easily distracted at work, so she can't email me right away most the time...but, as Mad said, my feelings take over, eh, sigh.
Ok wow, you guys don't know how much I better I feel...now to communicate with the wife, one last time, coz I need to stop pushing and let her be, I know this, and that's what she's gonna get. Thanks again guys!
God bless!!!!!!!!!