Hi again Ihateit!

I am really glad you are feeling better now.

Again, I can relate to you. I didn't know about your mother. My mother has always been supportive, BUT my father abandoned me. Although it is the opposite gender parent, as you, I still consider that a connection. I seem to have abandonment issues, which I feel partially stem from this. I also have pain from "one failed relationship at a young age," as you said, and while I never had someone up and just divorce me suddenly, I have had situations like that happen with friends, and have had some romantic relationships that felt unstable, also. I am sorry your mother won't talk about this. I assume by that comment, she is in your life again?

I am really glad that you went to the T over the anger and insecurities. What is especially amazing is that you did this even though your anger was, at least for the time, subdued. This is wonderful. It is good you are doing this, because it can help guard against a relapse and if it happens, you will better know how to handle it.

You said, "But before I even went, something happened in me, and the anger washed out of me, I don't feel the need to yell and start fights, not in the traditional sense." Yes! Yes! This has happened to me, too, but I don't know how or why. I worry about a relapse, and need to address this with T so I can guard against it. I have some ideas why my anger went "poof", but am not certain. It is a relief for the moment, though.

And the root, yes the root is very important. Sometimes I feel my T does not address the root cause enough, but all in all, he's a great T. With my ex, I was also very afraid my ex would leave me, and never thought I was good enough for him, either. I think you are right, anxiety does help cause anger. For me it is anxiety, fear, hurt, and insecurity.

You said what happened wasn't anger based, but you felt upset, hurt, unloved, insecure, scared and lacking in trust. I understand those feelings. Sometimes, though, back when I had more of an anger problem, they translated somewhat into anger, or caused anger to come out with them. But I understand yours was without anger. It is difficult sometimes not to let panic take over, but you are very right in saying it is important to let her be and not push for closeness. I know it is hard not to sometimes, when we are scared and dealing with our own issues and fears.

It is wonderful you have researched your wife's condition. I think it will help you understand where she's coming from better and that can only increase intimacy. Also, it will help you deal with issues that come up better. My ex was never diagnosed, either, but trust me. He had PTSD. He believed it, too.

I am really glad you two are working through this, and that she is no longer afraid to speak to you- that is one wall down. You said, "She loves me, I know this...but you're right, someone with PTSD gets detached, especially from loved ones, and keeps their distance at times." It is great that you know this deep down. I know sometimes it is hard and doubts creep in, but hold on to this knowledge if you can. And what you said, I think is true- "especially from loved ones". My ex got so detached from me at one point, it seemed he would have felt closer to a stranger on the street. But I think if you can hold on through it, it can pass.

Good luck once again on working it out! You two have one thing going for you, that's for sure- you both want to make it work and are trying very hard, and that is one of the most important steps in making it last, I think.