Hi all;

I'm new to the site and really not sure if what I'm dealing with is OCD.
I'm 38 and have pretty much always been feeling like I don't fit in, that I'm different and weird, but I try to deal with it.
Over the last few years I've gone through some big changes - divorce, new job, moving. I've been taking Cymbalta for about 3 years now. But I still deal with tremendous anxiety at times - mostly over my thoughts.
When I was in counseling in my early 20s, I had sexual thoughts about my T, and I was terrified it meant I was a lesbian. Over time the thoughts involved other women I knew. Fortunately the thoughts dissipated. I haven't had to deal with it until late 2007. Out of the blue, the sexual thoughts started again. I feel like I can't relax, because as soon as I do, a crazy thought goes through my head. So I'm always antsy and anxious. And when a thought occurs, sometimes I allow it to develop, like I'm trying to figure out if it would arouse me or not. But what hurts the most is that the thoughts are of friends, people I've known for years, and have established a trust and friendship with. I'm fearful to even see one of my friends. I mean all these crazy questions go in my mind - would I do this? do I really feel this way? am I gay? How do you know you wouldn't like it unless you try it? And I HATE IT. I feel so detached from who I used to be - more at peace and content with myself. And I'm also dating a wonderful man, and it's interfering with my relationship with him. If I'm being loving toward him or affectionate with him, it's like my mind tells me to pretend I'm being this way with a female friend and not with him. IT'S CRAZY. So I can barely relax.
I'm just wondering if this is OCD, obsessive thought stuff, or what.
I want the thoughts and self-doubt to stop. I just never knew OCD could include thought patterns. I went online and I have located a T in my area that specializes in it.
Has anyone else gone through this and received help for it?