Obsessed, how is it going?
Reason I ask is that I experience something similar. I've always liked guys, and have had several relationships-heck I was even married for 7 years.
In my early 20s, in my first counseling sessions, I had sexual thoughts about my female counselor. Scared me to death. Then the thoughts included other women. Over time they dissipated, and I went at least 15 years without these thoughts occurring (I'm 38 now).
But in December 2007, they just started again, out of nowhere. The thoughts are so tormenting, causing me to doubt myself and question myself. Why do I think this stuff? Does this mean I'm really gay? Does this mean I'm attracted to so-and-so? I've had thoughts of kissing friends of mine. Sometimes I've elaborated on the thoughts to see if it would really turn me on, and nothing happens. But I feel like I've completely shut down sexually. I have a wonderful boyfriend, and I want to enjoy the love and affection he gives me. (Guess I should point out that we are Christians and we've chosen not to have sex unless we get married). But you know...the tingly fingers and toes, the excitement, the happiness....it's not there when he kisses me. I feel like my libido is dead, all because of this stuff.
I never thought it could be OCD, and I'm wondering if I need help. I can't live in fear, I don't want to live in fear....I am afraid to be around my best friend because I've had thoughts about her. I'm scared to see her for fear this feeling will come over me that I'm attracted to her or something. I don't know how to deal with this, but it's affecting my life and it causes me great anxiety. I start to cry, I panic inside, I pray and I pray, and I feel so far away from God too. I feel so dirty. Even thoughts like, well maybe I WANT to be with her or I WANT to be gay - which is totally wrong. I know in my heart I want to love the man I'm with. Is there any hope for me...?