I understand that...I do not control her, I do not manipulate her...she is free to do what she wants (within reason of course!...like no dating).
I give her compliments routinely, her looks, what kind of job she is doing with the kids..etc...
But, i f I ever have to criticise her (she isnt perfect), i have to be very careful how I word it, and it seems even when I am calm, and constructive, and address the issue, not her, she still gets defensive.

So, i know abuse does not have to equate to yelling and screaming...and there are times when we have fought that we have yelled and screamed, and names were called, but they were evenly dished out...