I promised myself that I would recommit myself to taking back my life.

I am a closet alcoholic. I only drink at home, usually drink alone. My family knows but they pretend nothing is wrong.

My husband and I have been running on vapors for years. I do believe he wants me to remain as I am so that I won't leave. He enables both my alcohol and food addictions. I want to leave, and I know one of the things i need to do in order to make that happen is to stop drinking.

I don't have time/money for therapy. Right now time-wise I am heavily invested in getting my son through his next round of chemo (he has leukemia and requires daily IV outpatient visits). In addition, all our funds are committed toward his medical bills.

For belief reasons, I do not think AA would help.

I am not religious and do not have a church or minister to talk with.

There is no spiritual center nearby that is in accordance with my belief system.

I am not trying to set up roadblocks here to getting better in writing the above; I am just trying to explain my situation.

I poured a fifth of scotch down the drain this morning without drinking any of it. That felt good. But the good feeling doesn't last long enough to not want to go buy more right now.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I beat this myself?

I need to clean up my life or I'm going to drown. I feel so far down the hole that I don't know where to begin to look for the ledge.