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Old Mar 06, 2009, 12:40 PM
tablarosa tablarosa is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Posts: 23
Today is just the most awful day. I can't figure out what to do.

My son has leukemia and is supposed to start his next phase of chemo next Monday. But he woke feverish and with a nose full of crap today. So we are waiting for a call back from the doctor to figure out what to do next. He may have to delay his next round now.

In the meantime my darling cat companion is scheduled to be euthanized today. I can barely stand that as it is.

Somewhere in the middle of all of is this me....but I'm not sure who me is right now.

My husband didn't even say goodbye to my cat this morning when he left for work. And I know he won't even ask about her tonight when he comes home. I know he doesn't care about her, but I feel that if he really cared about me then he would at least acknowledge her passing.

I honestly don't know how to deal with this. My son and I are fighting and I know he is lashing out to me because he is angry about his situation. But I am wrung out today. I feel like I am going to implode.

I just want to find a safe place to grieve for my own loss today, that of my kitty. But there is no haven in this house. And if I leave my husband will accuse me of being a drama queen. My husband has a bad temper and is emotionally abusive. I just don't want to have to subject myself to that today. But when I get like this (emotional, pulled in too many directions) that is how he responds and I end up having to defend myself and my feelings.

I just want a place to go and cry and if anyone wants to comfort me then so be it. But I don't want people around me who feel like they HAVE to comfort me because it is their job or their responsibility.

Does anyone has any suggestions?
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leave tonight or live and die this way - tracy chapman